Today I finally decided to spend some quality time with my Idiot Box. I had ignored it for so long, that it almost looked like an UFO to me. Brandishing the remote like the Goddess Kali, I plonked myself onto the sofa n switched it on enthusiastically.
The first channel that came on had a reality show...the Laughter Challenge, where Archana Puran Singh keeps laughing hysterically throughout the show(almost as if she is RELEASING Laughing Gas instead of INHALING it). The star guest judge was Mika (yes of the KISSING fame or infamy). I thought he would be apt to judge a comedy show, what with his singing being damned funny(ok, bad joke, so what). Well seems the theme was celebrity-musical-comedy or something. The teams had to, with a celebrity allotted to them, sing and dance to a song of their choice, incorporating it into their act. N surprise, surprise, the first team had Rakhi Sawant, along with the contestants!! She danced beautifully, at least that credit, I will give her. N then the judges beamed, smiled, Archana laughed n howled like a banshee in her usual style, n Rakhi hugged Mika, n forgave him for kissing her, n asked more forgiveness for the fight that had ensued between them, post-kiss. Sheer nonsense. I compared these Indian comedy shows to their foreign counterparts, n am actually revolted by the utter coarseness of our shows. Why does Indian humour have to be so loud, how many films have had the 'fart, loo jokes...?So much for comedy.
I got irritated n changed the channel.
This one had another reality show - India's got talent. A copy of America's got talent. I admire the copycats though. If u r copying, copy 100%. They couldn't copy the judges so they copied the sets, evaluating system perfectly. But what was this? Everytime the contestant showed some real talent, the judges pressed the 'reject' buzzer. They seemed to be content with the ones who contorted their bodies into yogic postures, or juggled balls or blew balloons upto 20 times their body size. N every alternate contestant was hugged n kissed by the judges!!!! Atleast be professional, guys!!!!
No way I was watching this....
A South Indian Channel - Reality dance Show for kids. 2 fat ugly female judges, with a young gay man sandwiched in between. Every kid, was pressed to Big Momma's generous bosom after his performance. The girls were kissed by everyone except their parents. More irksome were the 2 silly teenage girls hosting the show, dressed up in troll-like diaphanous gowns, bridal sarees, pencil skirts(straining to fit over melon hips)!!!! N they started or ended every sentence with the word 'Master' whilst speaking to the judges...as in 'Sudha master(this is Sudha Chandran, one of the judges).....how did u find the performance?' or 'Thank u master'....Not only these two but even the contestants made a habit to preen n crow loudly, 'master'.. 'master'..
By this time, I was looking for aspirin.
And I kept changing the channels. To no luck. All Indian Channels, irrespective of language (yes I was so desperate to see some sane stuff, that I was ready to watch any channel) were beaming similar ridiculous stuff.
Until I stumbled upon UTV Bindass, that is.
Emotional Atyachaar was on.
No prizes for guessing how I found it...
I havent missed a single episode since.... ;)